Discords and HarmoniesJune 23, 2010
Eris – Goddess of Discord is currently transiting my Eighth House, which in Vedic astrology is one of the dusthana (grief-causing) houses. Natally, Eris is also in my Eighth House and a few months ago, I remembered a poem my mother wrote, titled “Discords and Harmonies”.
Cue the rabbit-hole music…………
My home PC is still on long-service leave and I am still enjoying the faster broadband connection of the library network and the printing facilities for 20¢ a page. Heck, I am even expanding my IT skills which is always a good thing. So I have adapted……to a degree……although my internet usage is restricted by the library’s opening hours, and limited to one hour sessions at a time. Just as well I’m a gun-typist.
No biggie. I am familiar with the energies of restriction, limitation and the feeling of frustration that rounds out the triumvirate here. Frustration is simply fear that flys under the radar.
On the occasion of my last birthday in March, I pulled up my 2010/2011 Solar Return chart, took one look and went “Rut Roh!!” With six planets crowding my Ninth House; four of those treading water in a Piscean stellium and five out of those six in a hard aspect to Pluto, I rolled up my sleeves and began sweeping out the dusthana houses.
Three months later I am loving my Solar return energies, for the healing challenge of the Ninth House in the parlance of scared Sacred Contracts is: enduring faith crises. And I am healing a deep psychospiritual wound I took in the womb: a wound which is succinctly narrated by the Sabian Symbol for my Ascendant 16° Leo “Sunshine just after a storm”.
During labour, my mother experienced a cord prolapse – or maybe it is more energetically accurate to say we endured a cord prolapse. I was born on St Patrick’s Day during the violet hour……..energetically a violent hour for my mother as she was crashed and slashed open. Cord prolapse is a dangerous complication that can and does result in the death of the fetus.
I reckon, as an incarnating soul, a fetus, this experience would have been intensely terrifying, hitting all the major survival fears. My body remembers this experience, my cellular memory holds the charge and my biography is my biology.
Now my mother would have panicked in the moments before she was “crashed”, the doctor and nurses would have been on controlled high alert while in the womb, my life-support was being compromised.
No wonder I have had a life-long challenge with anxiety and Panic Disorder (with agoraphobia).
No wonder that since mid-May I have been re-experiencing very intense panic attacks, which prompted me to pull up transit charts for 1989, when I logically thought my journey with fear began. My mother never regaled me with tales of her labour or those early days. I understand why now: it was a god-awful traumatic experience that left both of us with deep psychospiritual scars.
I am in my Chiron Return years: this is my Chironic healing journey and curiously this process began in earnest three weeks after I had started to see a psychologist in relation to discerning the nature of my barriers to employment.
All is well in my world as I am birthing the highest potential of my Master Teacher and Master Healer energies, which are present in the numerlogy of my birth-name and birth-date, yet have been sleeper energies, if you like.
Funnily, the midwife has been a 70-year-old male psychologist-former-teacher who has had no idea how instrumental he has been with teaching me the tool Rational-Emotive Behavioural Therapy which I had only known in it’s watered-down version of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
These last three months, I have dived deeply into archetypal energies, esoteric evolutionary astrology and Sabian Symbols and have been coming back with more and more treasure. All that is required of me by the healing energies I am streaming: is to let go and not put pressure on the discord.
It is natural for us to wish an unpleasant experience to be over and done with ASAP. We place pressure on ourselves, society places pressure on us to soldier on……..the-show-must-go-on mentality.
This is the Warrior and the Servant archetypal energies.
My Gunslinger has just gotten the Hell back to Dodge and the unforgiven has been redeemed.
In my previous post, More About the Hue, I mentioned the cledonic clusters that manifested when I colour-wheeled my bookcase. One of the memos-from-the-Great-Mother was in the cluster of three books:
The Daughter of the Queen of Sheba
In Her Image: The Unhealed Daughter’s Search for her Mother
Witch-hunt: History of a Persecution.
I had a Manic-Depressive mother as did Albert Ellis, the psychiatrist who developed Rational-Emotive Behavioural Therapy.
I had mother issues.
Now……….our Sacred Contract is signed, sealed and delivered.
There was a New Moon Aries when I was born, the Sabian Symbol of “A woman rises out of the sea, a seal embraces her”.
Aaaah, now I understand. Thank you Mother.
If Albert Ellis could birth a powerful and potent psychotherapeutic tool inspired by his bipolar mothering, I wonder what I will be birthing as an Anxiety Depression and Panic Therapist.