Archive for July, 2010


One of the 30%

July 30, 2010

Thank Goddess……….there’s nothing wrong with me; I’m just in transition.  Seriously though folks, I can’t believe people cough up thousands of bucks to feel this way……for fun,….. for recreational purposes….ya know?

women on the verge of a nervous breakdown by maryszka.

The Influence of Menopause on Mood.

Approaching menopause you may have noticed some deviations in your usual mood.

Well don’t despair, you’re not alone. Approximately 30% of women report psychological symptoms related to menopause. Some women find themselves becoming short and snappy, while others are teary and overwhelmed. Even the strongest woman who appears outwardly like she’s got it all together may be inwardly crumbling. Things that don’t normally upset you suddenly do. It can be something as simple or as insignificant as your partner not making the bed, or your stockings laddering… but it can seem like the end of the world. ‘Who is this person I have become?’ you may later ponder. Why did I react like that? I don’t recognise myself!

Menopause can do funny things to you. Rest assured that these intense emotions are just part of the transitional period your body is going through as it tries to get used to all the changes it’s experiencing…and know just that, they are only transitional ! They will eventually disappear.

A few of the commonly noted mood symptoms reported by women during menopause:

  •         Feelings of increased vulnerability
  •         Irritability
  •         Moodiness
  •         Frustration
  •         Feeling overwhelmed
  •         Anxiety
  •         Panic attacks
  •         No motivation
  •         Depression
  •         Low self esteem
  •         Mood swings
  •         Crying and tearfulness

If you’re reading this and you can relate to any of these symptoms be proud! The fact that you are aware of your symptoms is great. Why? These symptoms are a wake up call, they’re telling you to pay attention to your body… What is it telling you?

So what can we do to cope with these emotional changes?


  • Getting your hormone levels checked is a good first step. Correct hormonal balance alone can  make an amazing difference to the way you feel on a daily basis.Having a good support network to guide and carry you during this time is also important. Do you have a good friend who will listen to you without judgment? If not speaking to a counselor can be a useful way in which to resolve unfinished emotional business.
  • Studies show increased stress is related to an exacerbation of menstrual and menopausal symptoms so reduce stress in all its forms! This sounds easy but many women find this hard to do! Brain storm how you this can make this happen. It may be something as simple as hiring someone to iron the clothes for 3 hours a week so that you don’t have to do it. Whatever it is, put your plan into action.
  • Nurture yourself and engage in pleasurable activities. Take some time out for you, nourish your soul! This can be passive activity such as making time for a bubble bath filled with relaxing essential oils or a foot bath once a week, or active such as enrolling in a language or pottery class at your local TAFE or community college.
  • It sounds funny but if you’re someone who goes the extra mile for everyone, practice being selfish. Let others go the extra mile for you!
  • A healthy diet can really help. Eating the right foods at the right time is important. Studies of different populations show that increasing fruit and vegetable intake particularly soy based foods and reducing consumption of meat has benefit in management of menopausal symptoms.
  • Ensuring you are eating regular meals with some protein component will prevent fluctuating blood sugar levels. Hypoglycemia often plays a large part in mood changes. Aim to eat something every 3 hours. Good protein snacks include a small handful of almonds, a tub of natural yogurt or a tablespoon of tahini. 
  • Exercise is known to improve the mood and reduce stress. Choose something you enjoy and aim to do 4 to 5 sessions of 30 to 45 minutes. The choices are endless: yoga, pilates, bushwalking, swimming, belly dancing, ice skating and so on.
  • Daily affirmations are important way of challenging negative perceptions we might have about ourselves and menopause. An example of an affirmation you could repeat on a daily basis might be:

“Menopause is a happy time for me… my body and mind are growing in wisdom”

 (Source Menopause Centre of Australia)

Just for fun, I went to the Morgan Tarot website and picked a random card:


This feminine earth card means rest from turbulence. Or the valley could be the paradise of the harmonious realms — the hidden valleys of Shambhala.
The myriad of ways in which the mysteries supports me…on my Way…..never ceases to fill me with awe, wonder, delight and joy. 

She’s coming around……again

July 23, 2010

I first heard this song back in the early 90’s, in an episode of Northern Exposure, where Shelley is pregnant and fearful of the changes coming towards here. She goes into the forest and the Goddess comes to her.

My life, at the time, was filled with fear. I was housebound with agoraphobia, in the early years of marriage that had already died, and because of my panic attacks, had had to relinquish my studies in Naturopathy, as well as my income-producing job. I could not have felt more defeated, more guilty, more helpless, more powerless, more confused.  It was a really nasty place.

When I watched this episode of Northern Exposure, the beauty of the imagery and the sublime lyrics of this Hymn to Her, it touched me deeply yet I was far too disconnected, too fearful, to know what I now know: the Goddess was dialling my number. Entreating me, singing to me to start making the reconnection with my sacred feminine soul.

I heard her from a distance. I went back to sleep. I have heard her in the years since…..I have gone back to sleep.  I hear her now. 

I am coming around….again.   I have found Ariadne’s thread that has been hidden in the labryinth of my history which had been sealed under the clingwrap of patriarchy.  With a  Black Moon Lilith corridor  in my Twelfth House of the unconscious, I am gaining a whole new paradigm on the forces that converged in my psyche that manifested as Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia.  

Let me inside you,
Into your room
I’ve heard it’s lined
With the things you don’t show

Lay me beside you,
Down on the floor
I’ve been your lover,
From the womb to the tomb

I dress as your daughter,
When the moon becomes round
You be my mother,
When everything’s gone

And she will always carry on
Something is lost,
But something is found
They will keep on speaking her name
Some things change,
Some stay the same

Keep beckoning to me,
From behind that closed door
The maid and the mother,
And the crone that’s grown old

I hear your voice,
Coming out of that hole
I listen to you,
And I want some more
I listen to you,
And I want some more

She will always carry on
Something is lost,
But something is found
They will keep on speaking her name
Some things change,
Some stay the same

She will always carry on
Something is lost,
But something is found
They will keep on speaking her name
Some things change,
Some stay the same
Let me inside you,
Into your room
I’ve heard it’s lined
With the things you don’t show

Lay me beside you,
Down on the floor
I’ve been your lover,
From the womb to the tomb

I dress as your daughter,
When the moon becomes round
You be my mother,
When everything’s gone

And she will always carry on
Something is lost,
But something is found
They will keep on speaking her name
Some things change,
Some stay the same

She will always carry on
Something is lost,
But something is found
They will keep on speaking her name
Some things change,
Some stay the same

And she will always carry on
Something is lost,
But something is found
They will keep on speaking her name
Some things change,
Some stay the same


Hymn to Her – lyrics The Pretenders 


Boobytraps and Blighsides.

July 21, 2010

The booby is a large bird with long pointed wings and a long bill. It hunts fish by diving from a height into the sea and pursuing their prey underwater. Facial air sacs under the skin cushion the impact with the water. Boobies are colonial breeders on islands and coasts. They normally lay one or more chalky-blue eggs on the ground or sometimes in a tree nest.

Their name was possibly based on the Spanish slang term bubi, meaning “dunce”, as these tame birds had a habit of landing on board sailing ships, where they were easily captured and eaten. Owing to this, boobies are often mentioned as having been caught and eaten by shipwrecked sailors, notably Captain Bligh of the Bounty and his adherents, during their famous voyage after being set adrift by Fletcher Christian and his followers. (Source Wikipedia)

So what happens when a blue-footed Booby comes to you as a messenger; an animal totem?  You do some research and learn about it.  Discern what the bespoken message is for you.

Fletcher Christian is a distant distant ancestor of mine who, when you cut away all the Hollywood illusion, was a rather troubled young man who betrayed an older man, who had taken him under his wing and furthered his career – Captain Bligh.  Thems are the unvarnished facts. Fletcher Christian was a younger son in a large family of high-achievers and, you know, had issues surrounding self-worth, self-esteem and being the ‘runt of the litter’.

Message of the booby: leave people to walk their path and if it is necessary to leave people in order to walk your own path, then do not pass Go, do not collect $200, just leave everything and walk.

Photo: Blue-footed booby in the Galápagos Islands


Room for Aine Other

July 11, 2010

Deeper meaning resides in the fairy tales told to me in my childhood than in any truth that is taught  in life ~  Friedrich Schiller

“Mrs Malone” is a children’s poem by Eleanor Farjeon, it contains deep metaphysical truths within the symbolism of the verses.  Do not try to puzzle it out; allow the imagery to speak to you and tell you of your Self.

Mrs Malone

Mrs. Malone
Lived hard by a wood
All on her lonesome
As nobody should. With her crust on a plate
And her pot on the coal
And none but herself
To converse with, poor soul.
In a shawl and a hood She got sticks out-o’-door,
On a bit of old sacking
She slept on the floor,
And nobody, nobody
Asked how she fared Or knew how she managed,
For nobody cared.
      Why make a pother
      About an old crone?
      What for should they bother
      With Mrs. Malone?

One Monday in winter
With snow on the ground
So thick that a footstep
Fell without sound,
She heard a faint frostbitten
Peck on the pane
And went to the window
To listen again.
There sat a cock-sparrow
Bedraggled and weak,
With half-open eyelid
And ice on his beak.
She threw up the sash
And she took the bird in,
And numbled and fumbled it
Under her chin.
      ‘Ye’re all of a smother,
      Ye’re fair overblown!
      I’ve room fer another,’
      Said Mrs. Malone.

Come Tuesday while eating
Her dry morning slice
With the sparrow a-picking
(‘Ain’t company nice!’)
She heard on her doorpost
A curious scratch,
And there was a cat
With its claw on the latch.
It was hungry and thirsty
And thin as a lath,
It mewed and it mowed
On the slithery path.
She threw the door open
And warmed up some pap,
And huddled and cuddled it
In her old lap.
      ‘There, there, little brother,
      Ye poor skin-an’-bone,
      There’s room fer another,’
      Said Mrs. Malone.

Come Wednesday while all of them
Crouched on the mat
With a crumb for the sparrow,
A sip for the cat,
There was wailing and whining
Outside in the wood,
And there sat a vixen
With six of her brood.
She was haggard and ragged
And worn to shred,
And her half-dozen babies
Were only half-fed,
But Mrs. Malone, crying
‘My! ain’t they sweet!’
Happed them and lapped them
And gave them to eat.
      ‘You warm yerself, mother,
      Ye’re cold as a stone!
      There’s room fer another,’
      Said Mrs. Malone.

Come Thursday a donkey
Stepped in off the road
With sores on his withers
From bearing a load.
Come Friday when icicles
Pierced the white air
Down from the mountainside
Lumbered a bear.
For each she had something,
If little, to give—
‘Lord knows, the poor critters
Must all of ’em live.’
She gave them her sacking,
Her hood and her shawl,
Her loaf and her teapot—
She gave them her all.
      ‘What with one thing and t’other
      Me fambily’s grown,
      And there’s room fer another,’
      Said Mrs. Malone.

Come Saturday evening
When time was to sup
Mrs. Malone
Had forgot to sit up.
The cat said meeow,
And the sparrow said peep,
The vixen, she’s sleeping,
The bear, let her sleep.
On the back of the donkey
They bore her away,
Through trees and up mountains
Beyond night and day,
Till come Sunday morning
They brought her in state
Through the last cloudbank
As far as the Gate.
      ‘Who is it,’ asked Peter,
      ‘You have with you there?’
      And donkey and sparrow,
      Cat, vixen and bear

Exclaimed, ‘Do you tell us
Up here she’s unknown?
It’s our mother, God bless us!
It’s Mrs. Malone
Whose havings were few
And whose holding was small
And whose heart was so big
It had room for us all.’
Then Mrs. Malone
Of a sudden awoke,
She rubbed her two eyeballs
And anxiously spoke:
‘Where am I, to goodness,
And what do I see?
My dears, let’s turn back,
This ain’t no place fer me!’
      But Peter said, ‘Mother
      Go in to the Throne.
      There’s room for another
      One, Mrs. Malone.’

~ Eleanor Farjeon, 1951

Aine was both a Celtic Goddess and a Faery Queen. She has been known by other names, such as the Lady of the Lake, the Goddess of the Earth and Nature.


My Enigmatic Germination

July 9, 2010

“The germ grows into knowledge and life” 17 Cancer

This symbol is illuminated 2:12 AM EDT July 8 (6:12 AM GMT, July 8)

Theme: Germination.

Inspiration: Tenderness is the greatest strength: consider the tender roots of a newly germinated seed.

Today: The amazing thing about understanding something about the deep code of life is witnessing the miracle of life actually unfolding, germinating and growing before your eyes.

Energies are such that, today, you may be able to make the connection between your best understanding of how the world works and seeing it actually work that way.

Think of it this way: you have planted a seed some time ago on the theory that it may grow and allow greater understanding of realms beyond the perceptual world. It may be that your seed is germinating today… that what used to be speculation, hopefulness and theoretical projection, is now experience, knowledge and life.


In one of my significant waking-life occupations, I was a codemaker and a codebreaker. To an outsider I appeared to be just another bank clerk; a communications officer working in the hiveheart of one of Australia’s leading national and international financial institutions in the 80s.

I was possibly more aware than others that an error on my part had the potential to ruin the day of some unknown private customer, small business owner, large importer/exporter or traveller in a faraway place. So I approached my work with a level of responsibility to those invisible people, which infused me with a sense of deep personal fulfillment and joy in my work.

I had confidence in my abilities, was well-trained, experienced, adept at trouble-shooting, efficient with prioritizing and time-management, and my colleagues trusted my knowledge and being able to pull my weight when there was a backlog of work.

The culture of this department was, however, extremely toxic and dysfunctional. Like a dead fish it was rotten from the head down. The Manager hired me, not for my skills and past office work experience; but because he liked my C-cup tits and had envisioned from that first interview, that he would enviegle me into his bed, sooner or later. So much for labouring over my resume and gathering referees, huh?

He made his move when my father died (suddenly and unexpectedly) about 18 months after I had started in this job. Disguising his agenda behind the mask of sympathetic, caring and concerned workplace authority figure, he began to stalk me. Phoning me at home, even when he was on holidays with his partner; sidling up to me in dark corners at work; sending me on tasks to the basement where our records were stored only to ‘check up’ on me 15 minutes later; and generally letting me know that if I desired a special kind of grief-counselling, he would be happy to oblige.

I was only 22 and not wise enough to realise that his behaviour constituted sexual and workplace harrassment. These were the times before that workplace legislation really came into effect and was taken seriously. As the culture of my department was extremely harrassing on all levels, I had become immune to it. This office was a crucible for all the negative and dense emotions of human nature. People’s shadow-selves ran rampant and we all thought it was the norm. Only the tough survied and I had developed a clever repertoire of comebacks to deflect the slings and arrows aimed at me.

After 18 months on the job, I knew this manager had had numerous liasions with other women in the office, so I was determined not to be another notch on his bedpost; or to become the subject of gossip in the men’s urinal. I managed to slip away from his greasy grasping and the consequences of my rejection of his advances was to be denied promotion within the department, the ability to transfer out of it and further my career elsewhere, and the denial of incentive/good performance bonuses – plus a host of other subtle paybacks for not lying on my back.

Because I was young and socialized to ‘go along to get along’ I didn’t take my issue with this Manager to Human Resources because I didn’t want to get him into trouble; because I thought they wouldn’t believe me; because I thought I’d be shunned and ridiculed by my colleagues (branded a troublemaker, a wimp, a crybaby); because I thought that in some way I had invited – asked – for his unwanted attentions.  I kept my concerns, my feelings to myself and confided in nobody. I doubted my interpretation of his interest in me and rationalized it: maybe his concern was genuine and I was blowing it all up out of proportion.

So I didn’t go to Human Resources and after another couple of years of not being promoted and being stiffed on bonuses and not having my first preference for annual leave approved: I resigned.

A couple of months afterwards I heard through the grapevine that this Manager had been transferred to bending paperclips in what constituted “Siberia” in the bank. A place where there would be no hope of promotion, no hope of getting out (except via resignation), and no authority. It seems that Human Resources had been watching him for a long, long time and were just waiting for a solid complaint, a clear demonstrated evidence that he was abusing his position and sexually harrassing his female staff.

I had that evidence in Autumn 1985.

I had the power to give Human Resources the silver bullet they needed. And they wouldn’t have transferred him. He would have been terminated. Dishonourably discharged with an indelible black mark against his character.

Six months later I was offered my old job back and because I accepted, got to meet – another couple of years later – the sister of the man I would marry. But that’s another story.

This Manager bore the nickname of “Guts”.

As I work through the process of understanding from a deep metaphysical perspective why I have developed an anxiety and panic disorder that has restricted my life, I recently came across an article by a gastroenterologist-metaphysician who described anxiety atttacks as “panic attacks of the gut”.

Gut – “Guts”.

I asked my gut “What can you tell me about how I came to have this health challenge?” and the above waking-life, working-life story was related to me by the archetypal guardian of Faith: the Prostitute.  The archetypal energy I have that was canny enough not to succumb to my Manager’s sexual advances, yet still negotiated away her instincts about this man, about what I needed to do to protect myself; for the sake of financial and job security.

Every position I have ever accepted has been through the Shadow Prostitute; the one that takes a job she doesn’t really like for the money; who stays in jobs that are really lousy for the money.

Every position I have not applied for these last 3 years has been because the Prostitute is now my ally; guarding my Faith while I have been working through a gruelling process of detoxification of my energy bodies, my concepts about worklife, irrational beliefs and core values I absorbed from those who socialized me and taught me to “go along to get along”.

People, institutions, groups, authority figures, teachers, whoever – who taught me not to trust my gust instincts. Who told me to shut up and stop making a fuss.  Sound familiar?

I am still a codebreaker and the Soul’s code that is encrypted in our waking-life, working-life experiences can be found also in the enigmatic symbols in our dreaming life. It is within your dreams that you find the loose thread that unravels the Sacred Contract inherent in each and every event, nonevent, in your life. 

In your dreaming you will find your seeds……………..

This is my greatest skill at the intersection of past, present and future. I unlocked this ancient grudge, this energetic resonances of having my personal boundaries violated and the belief I was unempowered to protect myself, through revisiting dreams I had recorded in 1992.  That I didn’t have the language to understand on more than a shallow level.

Give me your past waking-working life experience, tell me your present dreaming life symbols and I can help you awaken the divine potential of your future – which is as close as your next breath.

Martha Beck in her 2008 book “Steering by Starlight” wrote:

I think we may be living in the middle of a shaman population explosion.

Anxiety and Panic Disorder is a “shaman sickness”.   And it is a very very common complaint.  As is Workplace harrassment.  Consider my story before you reach for the anti-anxiety pills.


What Colour is your Pachacutis?

July 2, 2010

The Native Americans bring us a gift in the form of a heartening prophesy from the natives of the Andes. Accordingy to their tradition, centuries ago, humans took two diverging paths: the path of the condor and the path of the eagle.

The condor path, which represents the peoples of the Southern Hemisphere, is associated with the heart, the intuitive, and the spiritual. The eagle path, the peoples of the Northern Hemisphere, is associated with the brain, the rational, and the material.

For the past 55 years, the power of the eagle – mental and materialistic – has dominated that of the condor’s spirituality and heart-centeredness. According to a prophecy, this is about to change.

The indigenous tradition among the peoples of the South has divided time into epochs called pachacutis, each spanning roughly 500 years. Since October 2 1992, we’ve been in the Fifth Pachacuti, which is said to be a time of partnership and union, were eagle and condor “fly together in the sky as equals”.

Excerpt Spontaneous Evolution: our positive future (and a way to get there from here) by Bruce Lipton Ph.D and Steve Bhaerman.