The Worrier’s Wisdom

August 16, 2010

Metaphysical scamp, Stuart Wilde, is among my favourite teachers although I have never met the bloke, nor attended his wellknown five-day workshop, The Warrior’s Wisdom, in the 80s.  One of my closest friends did though and that’s how I came to the Wilde man’s books and his quirky teachings, which have with an unfailing consistency, provided me with comfort, confidence and chuckles as I have skipped, sauntered and stumbled along my Path.

Recently, I stumbled across an interview he provided some years ago, in which he expanded on the 1000 day climb:

As we are programmed through what I call tick-tock in my books, the sort of very hum-drum 9-5 existence, the institutional education of our children, and so on, and as we buy this ego’s world, as you start to make that turn, it’s just my perception that it takes about three years to make that turn complete. So, I call that the thousand day climb. And obviously, while you’re going through that turn, it’s almost like a big ship and you’re turning back and sort of rocking or bouncing over your own wash, the waves that the ship created as it was going along. It’s a turbulent time and you can’t really see very far in the future because you might have been in that tick-tock programming for twenty, thirty or forty years. So, three years to make a complete transition to where you’re just going to look at your life differently and embrace spirit, is not a very long time. What I say to people is, that while they are in that climb, don’t try too hard to become something new too quickly, because if you do, more times than not, you will fail. More times than not, anything you start will fall apart. It’s best to just realize that the climb is a dedication and stay focused on cleaning up your act, resolving issues, processing your feelings and generally just raising your energy. And then after the three years is over, usually one reaches a sort of plateau, where one can consolidate and sort of think, “well now I’ll head out, and I’ll do this, or I’ll do that, or I’ll help humanity in this way, or I’ll serve in that way, or whatever.”  (link to rest of interview)

This 1000 day climb got my attention because it took me a little over three years to move through agoraphobia in the early 90s, and I have noticed a 3-year cycle playing out continuously in my life. A current example is that I have been in receipt on Unemployment Benefits since July 2007, and turbulence does not adequately describe the issues surrounding survival fears, the processing of dark energy, or the states of helplessness, hopelessness and utter sheer frustration I have felt about my own incompetencies and failures to steer my life in more positive direction.

Ironically, I have often used the phrase “still on the coalface” when describing my situation and, I suppose, I must have skipped the chapter in whichever book Stuart described this 1000 day climb. Or fallen asleep at the wheel.

I’ve been doing this climb while being financially dependant on the tick-tock welfare system which, naturally, does not subscribe to, nor support, a metaphysical perspective.  And being a client of Social Security is a harsh experience because of the socially accepted prejudice towards people who depend on tax-payer funded benefits to exist: Disability Support, Age Pension, Single Parent Pension, Unemployment, Carer’s Support, Youth Allowance, Austudy (for university students)…..the list goes on.  The unemployed and single mother’s are particularly seen as “pariahs” and “parasites”.  Dealing with the stings of other people’s shadow judgments, despite having been a tax-payer myself for 25 years, has rather challenged my tolerance and patience for the unintelligent and the smug.

By June 2009, I had participated in every activity (Work for the Dole, Vocational Rehabilitation, Job Search Training) that I was required to, and did so believing the party line, that doing these activities would increase and improve my chances of employment. Then when nothing happened, I then had to answer the same questions over and over and over, about why I thought I wasn’t being offered interviews, why I thought I wasn’t getting a job, what I thought the problem was.  

 “Gee, why don’t YOU ring up the employer and ask them why they didn’t short-list me for X,Y&Z position?” was the last thing I said before going further up the chain of command and telling a Social Worker that  if I wasn’t taken out of system soon, I was going to commit an act of violence.  

Really  that was an Act of Self-Preservation on my part because the system was starting to grind me down and I needed to protect myself from the hits my self-esteem was taking each time I received a Dear Jane letter from a prospective employer; I needed to protect myself from the incessant inane robotic questions of the Case Managers; and I needed to establish healthy personal boundaries and find another way of looking at the WHOLE of my life without focusing just on the Just-Over-Broke issue.

It really came down to, the money or my life, and when I began to think from the stance of this is MY life and I am not here to be slotted into anybody else’s agenda; I stepped into my metaphysical scamphood, my contact with Social Security shifted, and I found a real good handhold on the rockface.  This was a big, big shift for me because I had been raised and conditioned to be a people pleaser, to be self-sacrificing, and give give give.

Having Chiron in Pisces has been a bitch!

These last 3 years, I have learned an important and necessary Soul lesson in how to “receive” and not feel shame or guilt around needing assistance.  For someone as independant, self-reliant and self-sufficient as I have been, you betcha I have had a real hard time with this.  However, these last 3 years, I have been recovering from a state of complete physical/mental/emotional and spiritual exhaustion…………and denial.

Yeah…..the D-word!  I was not aware at just how disconnected I had been from my body, which is how I got to drive myself into the ground in the first place.  I felt like spiritual roadkill found adjacent to the road less travelled!  Despite all the job applications I had submitted, I had no energy available to put on my game face to attend an interview in the first place, let alone hold down a job.  Even mustering the energy to write a cover letter was a Herculean task.

I had a vague sense that I was going through a Death-Rebirth cycle and that, from the metaphysical perspective, I was where I was meant to be….which, you know, isn’t all that comforting when you can’t meet the rent, pay the bills AND eat at the same time. 

Suffice to say, it is somewhat inconvenient to have a level of consciousness about a Bigger Plan going down when one’s external circumstances are precarious.  I have not luxuriated in modest material comfort and financial security for a long time and over the years, I have simplified my lifestyle, detached myself from the cult of consumerism, and the lemming stampede to acquire every new product that hits the marketplace. 

My sense of worth is no longer attached to stuff and this process of detachment began in 1989, when I developed Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia.  (As a wry aside, I do wish I had attended Stuart’s workshop and done the fire-walk, would have been less painful…and quicker.)

But there are no shortcuts when you push the button on the Magical Mystery Tour; you simply learn to keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle while it’s still moving.

Since August 2008, I have been rigorously and vigorously clearing myself of negative patterns, old outdated scripts, toxic core values and irrational beliefs that, pretty much, dug the fiscal hole into which I fell. I received a very clear insight into how I had created my external reality straight out of my unconscious hidden Shadow self, and that one consistent negative thought you keep telling yourself will wipe out every positive affirmation you mutter.

I fell down into this fiscal hole the first time in 2004; a hole I clawed my way out of (because there were no handholds) for a brief period of time, before my false fingernails broke and I slid back down.  I had not quite grasped what I needed to learn the first time around, however, I assure you, I have damn well learned it now – inside out, upside down and backwards and forwards through this fill-wash-rinse-spin cycle.

My energy bodies and centres are squeakily cleaner now because I have ceased and desisted from degrading my energy through self-criticism, self-persecution and feeling like a failure because my external life does not resemble the Great Australian Illusion Dream. 

I have been working strongly with the guardian survivor archetypes, Prostitute (faith), Child (innocence), Victim (self-esteem) and Saboteur (choice), with rooting out a deeply entrenched pattern of perfectionism, that has seriously, caused me a lot of suffering; and probably causes everybody else a lot of suffering because of the values of our society.  As a spiritual discipline I am practicing sacred mediocrity. 

I know that I have successfully completed this last 1000 day climb and methinks I was given a good boost when I started to experience panic attacks back in mid-May (which I am no longer having).  Just goes to show that a health condition you perceive is going to be a hindrance actually turns out to be a helper.

And how do I know that I have finished this climb?  Well, I followed my intuition today and visited a little Needful Things Bookshop in an adjacent suburb and there, waiting for me, was the one book Stuart Wilde wrote last century that I did not already own: The Trick to Money is Having Some.

Inside was written this quote:

Maybe it’s just the dream in me, maybe it’s just my style. Maybe it’s just the freedom I’ve found, given the possibility of living up to the dream in me. You know that I will be ~ reaching for Higher Ground. (words by John Denver and Joe Henry)

This book was first purchased in Auckland, New Zealand and the God’s are winking at me, for I lived in New Zealand in 1980, when I was a 19 year old neophyte, and it was in the Land of the Long White Cloud that my Path first appeared to me.  

Of course……I didn’t know that then.

An astonishingly true fact is that only 2-4% of our day is controlled by our conscious mind, and the other 96-98% is all done by the subconscious. 96% of all your decisions, actions, thoughts, feelings are all done automatically, unconsciously by your subconscious mind. (read more here)

So if you find yourself in similar circumstances, try not to overworry, try not to overachieve, try not to out-think the Gods.  Or outrun your Sacred Contract. Allow yourself to fall back into the embrace of Mystery.  Focus on cultivating kindness, gentleness, vulnerability, serendipity and generosity towards yourself.  The only question you need to keep asking, especially when it is dark, damp and despairing in the hole, is: How much better can this get?

Do ask for those 1000 unseen helping hands really do exist….and two of those hands…….are mine.

Serendipity is the Universe’s way of bringing into your life what is meant to be, and what is totally (and ecstatically) unexpected. You couldn’t have anticipated it because you didn’t even know it was there to anticipate. Author and mythologist Joseph Campbell called serendipity “a thousand unseen helping hands.”




One comment

  1. Beautifully written post! Congrats on achieving your 1000 day climb!

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