Gown. Hearts. Clown.May 10, 2011
Facing My Power: The Queen Mask
She watches over me, her pale green lips and empty eyes inviting me to see myself. The blue gem of her third eye dangles over a golden crescent moon. Purple feathers wrap her blood-red forehead in a spray of wisdom, and raffia seaweed frames the mermaid-green of her cheeks.
She is my Queen, a mask molded from my own face. She calls me to my inner spirit, to my power as the Queen. I crafted her at a time when I was seeking my sovereignty. Her face, contoured from my own, helped me to find my true form in a world of confusion.
When I moved back in with my parents, storing my furniture in their shed and sharing a room with my younger brother, I gave up a part of myself I had found in college. I didn’t know where else to go. My self-designed, free-form education allowed me to explore, but didn’t lead to a specific career. Graduate school plans had fizzled. The job I’d lined up felt all wrong.
Then, at the local library, I discovered The Mask of Power: Discovering Your Sacred Self by Lynn Andrews. The book offered meditations for finding my spirit animal, naming the power within myself, and making a mask to represent that power. I read it hungrily and used it to help me begin to answer the question: Who am I?
I smeared my face with petroleum jelly and applied wet strips of plaster gauze over the contours of my nose, cheeks, and mouth. A white, stoic face stared back at me from the bathroom mirror. I felt a tingle in my chest as I saw myself without a facial expression. For a moment, instead of being a projection of my identity, I was just myself. The strength of being simply myself scared me. [Read more at MatriFocus archives]
In declaring who I wish to be in this life, in stating that I will live a life of power, I have to face and deal with ancient fear held in my genes, handed down from my grandmothers and my mother. It is a fear of being too pushy, too loud, too creative, too whatever….. Questing, finding, and wearing my power terrify me… …. I can shapeshift into anyone I choose to be. ~ Clea Danaan
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