It was 3 weeks ago today….

July 19, 2011

I sat in my broken car, looked down and thought“I haz an airbag?” 

It’s been a Brave New World for me sans motor vehicle ~ venturing out into the wilds of Public Transportdom. What the reader may take for granted, is a simple action I have not taken for granted since developing Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia in 1989. 

1989 was the last year I rode on a bus, tram, or train.  The fear of experiencing an overwhelming Panic Attack whilst on public transport has been a deep and stubborn one that I haven’t really needed to challenge in our vehicular society.  Plus with having lived in regional Victoria for 7 years, well you either owned a car, tractor or horse to get around in because there was no public transport.

When I returned to Melbourne in late 2001, as per usual…..there were strikes, breakdowns and the whole public transport network was in extra chaos with a switch to new ticketing systems, then there has been the increasing violence with gangs-on-trains. 

The deeper fear for me, and many others, is experiencing a panic attack whilst on public transport and being TRAPPED without no easy way out.  Not an entirely irrational fear in the light of the constant service breakdowns with the trains where commuters are trapped onboard, having to pry open the electric doors and trudge off down the lines.

Of course underneath all of the situational phobias and paper tigers prowling my psyche was a deep fear of being trapped

In May 2010, these fears of experiencing a panic attack/being trapped were re-activated by the hormonal changes of perimenopause, which has been Really Special, I can tell you.  On the mundane level, this is not the best time for me to be without the use of my own vehicle.

On much higher levels, it is a most opportune time for me to choose whether or not to carry the energy of Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia into my future life or not.

My boat has been burned.

Yesterday and today I rode on a bus.  It’s a Bright New World.

Tiger, tiger, burning bright


One comment

  1. A big step — congrats!

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