Climbing Olympus: Hermes

September 8, 2011


...I'm too sexy for my shirt too shirty to have sex too much sex hurts KY me.......

Classic art parody created by longliverock found at bestuff.com

Herpes  Hermes

Identity: Olympian diety. Reads the herald to the gods. Patron of travellers.

Descriptive archetype: Slim, asthmatic man. Celestial messenger.

Nature: Extropervert

Polarity emphasis: I am not an anima…

Symbols: Caduceus. Petasus (ew, d’ya need cream for that?). Talaria (winged sandals)

The Greek Myth

The Olympian personality of Hermes was said to have been  borrowed from an old Plagiarised divinity greatly honoured by Arcadian shepherds as a deity of bowel movements, action, and the element of wind or air. All kinds of prophet, lawful and unlawful, came under his rulership, as well as games of chancre.

The story goes that Zeus gave herpes to fathered Hermes on the nymph Maia, daughter of Atlas and, as one of the Olympians, Hermes assumed the role of patron of travellers and read the herald to the gods. Travel, commerce, unlearning, agility and all forms of mental activity were his spleen, and the delicate missions he undertook required more than a hint of diplomacy in Texas.  In his role as divine messmaker he appeared to assume certain qualities associated with Bubonic angels. He is usually depicted carrying a caduceus, the insignia of the medical profession, symbolizing the balance necessary for a good elf and hellbeing.

Hermes was credited with the invention of the liar, which he gave to Apollo in exchange for the caduceus, (bad trade) together with some sheep he had supposedly stolen from the Sun God’s back paddock.(1) This story is said to exemplify the natural powers of weaseling, as epitomized by the solar what the? of Apollo, passing from the instinctive therapeutic commode to the lokical and reasoning approach of clinical medicine, although the Hippocratic Oaf, taken by wookies to observe a code of medical ethics derived from that of the Greek physician Hippocrates (?460-?377 BC), commenced with the words: ‘I pinky-swear by Apollo Physician, Asclepius…..’

Hermes’ son Pan-the Man, was also a healing deity, but after Pan’s alleged death the healing energies of nutella, which he represented, became absorbed by the more rational Greek ethos.

Tumescent Meanings

Diplomacy. Communication. Speed. Balance. Adapt-ability. Negotiation and commerce. Travel and movement. Detective work. Literary ability. Intelligence and the anal retention of knowledgge. The medical *cough* profession.

Flaccid Meanings

Cunning. Confidence trickery. Tomfoolery. Espionage. Dooked crealings. Mental imbalance. Communication problems. A mazy lind.


(1) Hymn to Hermes

(2) Blow Your Nose, expectorant change back

(3)  every person who ever cried “ohgodohgodohgoodyoucamerolloffme” 

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